Opening October 19th: I Took A Week Off And You Can Too

As Much As I Love Movies Every So Often It Is Good To Take Some Time Away From Writing About Them

Spooky, don’t you see the shadow is in the
shape of a person or something
Every few months I find myself getting a little too obsessed with my little website and it makes what is supposed to be fun feel like a job. Since this is sadly not my full time job I find when too much focus turns fun into labor I just take a week off and enjoy movies with no thought about what I might write about them. I see the new Reacher trailer with Tom Cruise and I don’t feel the need to write 1000 words about why it is so wrong given its source material. I read rumors of a Justice League movie and I have no need to chime in about storyline, director or potential casting (mostly because I have already done all of that). I can do absolutely no research on the new movies opening this weekend and still feel like I can write all about them…
OK, maybe that last one isn’t right, but I’m going to try anyway. Or maybe I’ll just write as I do my research. That’ll work, right?
hey, Madea is a cop hunting for Jack from Lost

Alex Cross
Interest Level: 4
Did You Like The First Two: Very Much Actually
I really enjoy a good serial killer movie. I enjoy a good serial killer novel. I enjoy a alright serial killer TV show (no offense Criminal Minds). All of that may something disturbing about me (that reminds me, I need to do a list of the top serial killer movies) but it is true nonetheless. So why only a 4 for Alex Cross? BECAUSE ITS MADEA CHASING JACK FROM LOST! You know what makes that even worse, they were going to have Idris Elba play Alex Cross. That would be a movie I would love to see.
oh, hey, another Paranormal Activity movie is going to dominate the box office this weekend…
Paranormal Activity 4
Interest Level: 0
Should You Remind People What A 0 Means: Probably
A zero interest level does not mean I think Paranormal Activity 4 is bad, all it means is I don’t care. Look, at this point, in fact many points ago you were either in on Paranormal Activity or not. If you aren’t sick of the found footage thing yet (I am quite sick of it) and this stuff scares you in a good way then I have no doubt this will be as or nearly as good as the first three. I just don’t care.
wait, Helen Hunt is still alive…
The Sessions
Interest Level: 5
Are There Any Sundance Movies Left: Nope, I Think This Is The Last One
Sundance has produced some huge hits. Reservoir Dogs, Memento, The Usual Suspects, Clerks, Four Weddings and a Funeral, The Blair Witch Project and SAW were all premiered at Sundance. However, not since Little Miss Sunshine or Precious has Sundance produced a real hit. The Sessions is destined to be this year’s Moon — the film people loved at Sundance that could never find an audience. The only difference is this movie about a dying virgin whose priest helps him find a sexual surrogate so he wont die a virgin isn’t quite as good as Moon.
oooh, one of these two could win the Academy Award for best documentary, not that anyone watches documentaries anymore, but still..
The Flat and We Are Legion: The Story Of The Hacktivists
Interest Level: 8
So What, You’re The Last Person To Watch Docs: Maybe Not The Last One
The Flat follows a filmmaker as he cleans out his grandparents apartment, both of whom immigrated from Germany, and discovers a shocking story buried in the remains of their lives. We Are Legion… looks into the hacking community known as Anonymous to see what they believe in. Each film has been getting rave reviews and seem destined for awards and praise and very few people ever seeing either of them. Still, if the academy doesn’t nominate a documentary about hackers what do they think will happen to their website.
The Flat:
We Are Legion:
yeah baby! a real martial arts flick from China…
Tai Chi Zero
Interest Level: 8
On VOD Right: Yeah, This Will Not Sniff A Theater Near You
Yang travels to a village to learn a powerful form of Tai Chi and becomes the only hope for the village when a man comes to town wanting to build a railroad right through town. The best martial arts movies always share plot points with westerns. They really are westerns just with kung fu and swords instead of a six shooter strapped to a man’s hip. This is already a big hit and China and a sequel is set to be released next year.
what would a weekend be without a couple of comedies that almost no one will see…
The First Time and That’s What She Said
Interest Level: 3
Ouch, That’s A Little Harsh, No: Nope, That Is Just About The Right Amount Of Harsh
One is a high school Rom-Com and the other is hopefully the last attempt to do a Bridesmaids-esque “women can be raunchy too” comedy (women can be as raunchy as they want to be, but the mere act of a woman or man or anyone else being raunchy does not make a movie funny, funny makes a movie funny). I put these in the “it makes no sense” category because what are the producers thinking will come of these two flix? Did you really think that Anne Hache was going to have the draw or comedic chops of Kristin Wiig? Did you think a Rom-Com about teenagers losing their virginity that didn’t involve a pie was going to be a big hit?
BIGFOOT! that’s got to be another documentary…
Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes
Interest Level: 3
It’s Not A Documentary, Is It: Sadly No
A found footage monster movie, hooray? Really. How was this not made for the Syfy Channel? It should air right after Sharktapus.
there’s a yoga movement…
Yogawoman
Interest Level: 0
I Thought You Watched Documentaries: Not All Of Them
There is a yoga movement and there is a woman at the forefront of it. Look at the title to this blog/website. Look at my monicker. Do you think I am into yoga?
Conclusion
See, I can take a week off, do no research and still tell you about all the movies coming out in a way that is mildly helpful or informative or entertaining. I can, can’t I? Maybe I should stick to what I normally do.
But hey, what do I know? I’m fat (hence the 0 interest in yoga)