What To Watch At Midnight: Drive Angry

From the first frame of Drive Angry you can tell this is an insanely silly film. Scratch that, from the first time you saw a preview or heard anyone’s description of Drive Angry you knew it was an insanely silly film. In fact, after watching it, silly isn’t really the right word, it’s stupid.  But whether it is silly or stupid or dumb or schlock or whatever other derogatory term you want to label it the other inescapable truth while viewing it is that it knows EXACTLY what it is and never even for an instant tries to be anything else. If you make it past the first two minutes of Drive Angry you have entered into a pact with the filmmakers, you have agreed to throw reason out the window and they have agreed to never try to interject reason into the movie. And that can be a good thing.
The plot, such as it is, revolves around Milton (played by Mr. “I’ll Make Any Movie” Cage), an all-around bad dude who, while in Hell (because he is dead and like I said, is a bad dude) sees his daughter murdered by a cult and his granddaughter kidnapped and pegged for human sacrifice in a couple of days. Milton then does what any good father would do, he escapes from Hell and goes about trying to rescue his granddaughter from the crazy satan cult by driving around the south angrily and killing a lot of people. Along the way he helps out a spunky and attractive waitress (played by “I know the name but I can’t think of anything she has been in” Amber Heard, who looks great and really seems to be having a lot of fun playing Piper) who for truly inexplicable reasons sticks with Milton through his killing spree. Of course, Piper and Milton don’t just have to contend with Billy Burk’s cult (man, Billy Burk must really hate being seen as Bella’s dad because he seems to be choosing any and every part he can find that plays to the anti-Twilight crowd) they also have to deal with William Fichtner’s The Accountant, the man sent from Hell to pursue Milton and bring him back. Sex, violence, over-acting and some surprising effective comedy ensue.
Like I said, just hearing a brief description kills some brain cells.

William Fichtner Was Having The Time of
His Life as The Accountant
The movie is saved, in as much as this kind of flick can be saved, how thoroughly everyone embraces its stupidity. Billy Burk plays the cult leader so ridiculously and stupidly and gleefully huge that you never feel like he is trying to be as good as Michael Parks in Red State and coming up short, he is being the goofy cult leader this movie needs, nothing more. Fichtner’s The Accountant is really the role that sets and maintains the tone to perfection. He plays the role straight, but with a wink, as he goes about confronting witnesses in his pursuit, all the while telling them in passing how long they have to live. When The Accountant sees a satanic symbol branded into one of the cult members he asks “what’s that supposed to be” and when the cult member responds telling him it is the sign of satan and how they are going to bring satan back to Earth The Accountant chuckles, rolls his eyes and says “funny, he never mentioned it” (as it turns out satan is just a warden of a very large prison and is a bit lonely).
As for Nicolas Cage, he’s Nic Cage.
No one, EVER, would claim Drive Angry is a good movie (if you see it in 3D by the way, they do some hysterically overt 3D shots). I don’t think the people who made Drive Angry would claim it is a good movie. But what it is is a movie where the audience and the filmmakers all knew what they were getting into right from the start. If this is the kind of car you want to take for a ride at midnight when you can’t sleep, then you won’t regret the ride.
Here are some of Fichtner’s scenes just for fun. FYI, they ARE NOT edited!