Uninformed Reviews – Opening This Week!

It is at once a big and a small week for movie openings. Big because 7 movies are opening this weekend, small because you probably don’t care about any of them and haven’t ever heard of most of them. Don’t believe me? Here might be the movie that has the best chance to be really good out of all the movies being released …

Tomorrow, When The War Began

Sexy teens from Australia who are way too sexy and over-developed to be teens, go camping, think about sex and enjoy a carefree weekend and then come home to WAR! Then it looks like it will be Red Dawn with prettier people (no offense Patrick Swayze), untrained teens fighting and winning against an invading army. It is based on a popular book and maybe it transcends the obvious, but I doubt it and even if it doesn’t it should still be pretty good. Oh, and it is two years old, it is considered a blockbuster in Australia and it will mostly be available streaming online through Facebook (also, two sequels are in the works).

AND THIS MAY BE THE BEST MOVIE!

Never heard of it? Well, let’s look at the movies you may have heard of.

Wanderlust

I like Jennifer Aniston even if she is always Rachel Green. I like Paul Rudd. And yet there is no way I believe anyone outside their immediate family can be too excited about the “young boring couple finds itself in a hippy retreat and discovers they need to be more open and honest with each other after almost losing each other to the hippies, and comedy ensues” movie. These movies have a range from unwatchable (Exit to Eden) to mildly entertaining (which is where I would expect this venture to come out) with Rocky Horror standing to the side as both unwatchably bad and endlessly amusing (a rare feet). The point is, much like the director David Wain’s last movie (Role Models, also starring Paul Rudd) this will be exactly what you think it is and let’s be honest, what we think it is isn’t that exciting.

Act of Valor

Starring active duty Navy Seals. Is it a good sign when the promotion of a film shows no interest in even pretending their is a plot? I am fascinated by Navy Seals and I am sure there is going to be some really interesting action footage, but I have seen this dance before and it is inherently flawed. What dance? The dance of the real people doing the acting. Steven Soderberg has kind of fallen in love with this, the idea of having people with real knowledge in the arena he is filming (Gina Carano fighting, Sasha Grey seducing) and even if you feel like it makes those scenes better, the rest of the movie is damned by bad acting. So, I’m sure the action sequences will be great and the movie will either avoid a plot or you will have to suffer through poorly acted transitions. And, of course, God bless the men and women who are serving in our military, we are forever in their debt.

Gone

Think Taken meets an episode of Criminal Minds with some female empowerment thrown in and inevitable revenge. Are their any people who are big enough fans of Amanda Seyfried to make this movie a genuine success? I doubt it, but In Time did make over $100 million world wide, so maybe the European’s love her.

Good Deeds

Tyler Perry has a movie coming out. No one should bother reviewing this movie. If you are a Tyler Perry person you will more than likely go see this movie, if you aren’t you won’t. I don’t happen to be a Tyler Perry guy (not that there is anything wrong with that).

And that is almost all of the movies being released this weekend. Of course the last two are “art house” fare including …

The Forgiveness of Blood

Albanian teens become adults as there families are ripped apart by war. Moving? Probably. Depressing? Certainly. Unique? Yes and no, I’m sure there are nuances of Albanian culture that will be lost on most of us and yet it feels like this movie/story is told many times from many perspectives all around the world. Worth seeing? Probably, if you love foreign fare.

The Fairy

A Belgium comedy/drama about a man who searches for a fairy who made some dreams come true. It’s from Belgium. You know what I said about Tyler Perry, you could almost say that about comedies from Belgium that make it to the United States. You are either all in or you’re not, because, you know, their from Belgium. Chocolates and comedies that are just a little off (not quite as farce as the French, but … well, you know what I mean)

So, if I had to pick one, well unless you are exactly like me it would probably be a different one than you might pick. The one thing we can definitely say about these 7 movies is that they are NOT the same. Still, my pick would be Tomorrow, When The War Began both because it looks fun and I won’t have to leave my house to see it.

Have fun at the movies and remember, what do I know, I haven’t seen any of these and I’m fat.